Day 17

I chuffed it all up last night and went out on the piss, I bought a baguette to knock me out of ketosis and drank a rather large amount of alcohol, I had a great night though. Back on the diet today though and will be avoiding work nights out for the next few weeks!!!

Day Fourteen ~ Weigh-in

Lost 5lbs this week, I am delighted. That's 12lb in two weeks, can't complain about that one bit. Now I've got a two week wait until the next weigh in!!!!

Think I'll go out and purchase me some scales and swing by Ikea and buy something nice as a treat.

Day Thirteen . . . .but what happened to Day 12?

I got in so late last night I didn't have chance to blog. It was my birthday yesterday and I did really well. I wanted to have a "treat" but I went out with friends instead, which I'm very glad I did as I know I would of sat at home and probably ordered pizza and sulked all. I didn't really know the people I went out on a personal level I just work with them but they are fun and it was a laugh and I suppose that's all that matters. They mentioned getting take away on the way home and I could of just murdered it as I hadn't had my pack and I was starting to feel hungry but it got bypassed and I added another day to my tally.

I had to go to the supermarket today and thoughts of "oooo I'll just buy this, it won't hurt, a bag of crisps, or a biscuit", I even thought about getting some chicken as it's allowed on the SS+ but I didn't give in. Which made me feel all bubbley about inside, I'm a lot stronger this time round and it's easier to ignore that voice in my head.

I'm struggling with water, I know I need to step it up but I got out of the habit of drinking four litres and now it seems so bloody difficult to get it down me.

Going for my second weigh-in tomorrow, hoping my blip at weekend won't cost me dearly, then it's two weeks before I'll get weighed again, I need to buy myself some scales so I can keep a rough guide of how much I'm loosing.

There are many temptations placed in my path this time and just when I'm ready to give in and say "fu*k it, I want to go out and drink and dance or have that meal out" but something stops me, even after I've made the decision that I am going to throw it all into the wind. There is still a big part of me that doubts I can be thin, I just cannot see it in my mind, I've always been big and never known any different, I just hope these doubts don't darken my resolve to go all the way this time.

Well fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Day Eleven

I'm feeling quite positive today, although I'm hungry but behind on the water again, I'm also really really tired, that may be to do with lack of water. I've still got another pack to go but don't really feel like it just now. I had a savoury drink and it's made me feel a bit sick and bloated.

Back to work tomorrow which I'm dreading, I just know it's going to be heaving with people and I'll be rushed off me feet. I must also phone my CDC to arrange the next meeting, I meant to do it today but it's completely slipped me mind.

Well back to glugging that H2O.

Day Ten

Today has gone better, although I've struggleded with the water, I've only has a litre today which isn't good, I need to get a least another two down before bed. I've been shopping and decorating and time completely got a way from me.

I need to decorate the whole house but as I'm only working a crappy minimum wage job, its being done it bits and bats the kicthen and bathroom are currently being done, it all needs new flooring but can't do that till its all been wallpapered, certainly keeping me occupied and my mind off food for sure.

Am going to a friends house this evening, it would of been nice to of been able to of gone out for a meal and a drink but I'd rather lose weight. That has been my mantra for the day. Usually when out shopping in town I buy a pasty or sausage roll and I was walking into the bakers but something switched on in my head and I said "no I'd be thin" and carried on walking. I felt very proud, I could of been sat here feeling heartbroken about cheating so I'm very glad of the choice I made.

It's not easy cutting food out of your life, I have a battle with myself several times a day over it, I miss the variety of flavours in your mouth, I drink my shakes and packs with gusto because I love the taste of something other than water.

Well babbling again, only four more days to go till my weigh-in, I'm excited and positive about it despite my blip last night.

Day Nine

So today went . . . . . . hmmmmm . . . . well I definately had a blip!! but I've learnt a VERY important lesson DO NOT drink alcohol when in ketosis, it makes you feel like sh!t. I went out with work and as soon as I got in the club I just wanted to have a drink and laugh etc I gave in after much to-ing and fro-ing in my head and I order a cocktail, BIIIIIIG mistake, I didn't even get half way through it and I started to feel rotten, if I'd of drank anymore I'd a puked and passed out, I stuck to water the rest of the night! However I still managed to have a good time, I'm loud and bositrous when I go out without beer and there will be plenty of times in the future when I can go out and have a drink plus it's nearly 4am and I'm sober and don't have to do any damage control to minimise a hangover tomorrow, doesn't get much better than that. Not had any food blips, I just can't see the point right now with food, I know full well this feeling won't last and I am going to struggle at some point, I just think it's out of sight out of mind.

Day Eight

Bring it on, day 8!! Don't know why it's so exciting to get to day eight, it's hardly a significant number but I'm just proud I've got this far, I can "feel" the weight coming off me, my pants are loose, not falling off mind but they are no longer tight. I'm knackered but that's because I had to get up early this morning for work but I'm still enthused about the diet. I'm not overly struggling and managing to ge through each day with only minor wavers of falling off the wagon. I think I'll go through it everyday, I quit smoking back in November and there are still times I could kill for a cig and am even tempted to go out and buy a packet but those feelings pass just like the hunger feelings pass. I think the fact that there is no food in the house makes it easier, temptation just isn't there, it would involved leaving the house and going shopping (yuk) rather just have my packs lol.

It still all feels pretty new and I'm impatient to actually get into full swing of things and actually start losing some serious weight. I'm sat here waiting and wishing for it to be Wednesday for my next weigh-in, what I'll do when my CDC goes away for a week . . . I think I'll myself some scales so I can keep track but keep the CDC scales as an "official" figure. I just don't want to be standing on them everyday and becoming fixated on it.

Enough waffle from me I've still got a litre and a half of water to glug!

Day 7 (yay)

Oooohhh I've completed my first week, I feel so accomplished! As there is no use in lying to myself I cheated a little today, a few crumbs of nachos may of fallen in to my mouth at work, nothing to rock the boat but it's still a cheat. Although admittedly could of been far worse and I could of had a handful but I didn't so I'm moving on.

I'm experiencing terrible mood swings, not sure if it's down to the diet or the fact that life just keeps piling it on. I don't have much, I may have lots of fancy possessions but things of subtance . . . I have me and I don't think much of me, I have no family and no significant other and when it comes down to it I have one friend so really all I have in life are my dogs and I love them dearly. Phoenix is my first dog, I got him my a local rescue 6 years ago and we have been through so much together. Couple year back he had to have a kidney removed and it was a very risky operation but he made it through and now I have found a growth on his neck. He has a lot of fur round his neck so I am lucky to spot it but I've no idea how long it has been there. I worry for my little man and cannot begin to imagine anything happening to him. He is only 7. I just know that this isn't a fatty lump it is a growth, it could be benign and I hope beyond all hope that it is, but there is a nasty feeling swimming in my gut. We go to the vets on Friday.

I feeling a bit down about my birthday, which is on Monday, this will be my first birthday where I'll have no one to celebrate with. It's only a birthday I know but I recall someone ( a parent) saying it's about celebrating the birth of the person I love. Considering every conversation I've had with my Mother resulted in her saying how I ruined her life and I'm her biggest regret I doubt she wants to celebrate my birth!!! She's not here anyway and I wouldn't want to spend it with her. It's just strange knowing I'll be on my own, well actually I'll be in work! I've been invited out by the people at work and I just want to go out and get blotto'd but I know it's just because I'm feeling down and I really really want to do the diet this time, it's actually important to me and I'm taking it very seriously. I guess I'm feeling torn but I know I can go out and have a good time without the booze and I'll be spared the hangover.

I'm going to stick to the diet, I'm not having "a weekend off" as it's just a waste of money and you can't drink in ketosis anyway so I'm staying strong and I'll fork out for bottled water!

It's one week down and only 11 more to go!

Day Six ~ weigh-in

I went to see my CDC today, pick up next weeks packs and purchased the savoury drink, it's not as nice as the bouillion, but it'll do for now. Bit dissapointed with the weight loss, 7lbs, I was hoping for a little more but it is only six days so maybe if I had gone to tomorrow it would of matched with the last time I did it.

Well I'm not letting it get to me, it is a good loss for sure and it's 7lb closer to my goal. My CDC goes away week after next so I'll have to go a week without an offical weigh-in, that's going to kill my curiosity and my paitence lol.

Couple of things I've been thinking about, first time I did it I remember feeling so deprived and food was just so important to me, I recall having my first bar I was so ravenous, it was disgusting really. This time food really isn't that important, I'm glad it's been taken out of my life, I don't have to make a decision on what to eat and I'm no longer boredom eating. Don't get me wrong I could quite easily go out now and buy a load of crap just to pass the time but the fact that I have £3 to last me till pay day and I think I really want it this time. I was too weighed down by myself and life last time I was just destined to fail. I kept looking for excuses to fail this time I force myself to succeed. i know it's not even been a week yet but I haven't cheated once! In my first week on LL I picked and nibbled at everything, the struggle isn't as severe and the tug of war isn't as tough either. I cannot fully fathom it but it feels different this time round, not that I want to jinx it and I know it won't always feel this breezy but if I continue with this resolve I really believe I'll do it this time.

Last time wasn't a total failure, I've got to stop being so negative, I lost weight and kept most of it off, stayed the same dress size, I just didn't go all the way and that's ok.

Exercise is a problem I'm just too lazy, threw the dogs in the car this morning and walked them all in the moors, three walks just seemed too much effort and I've had a lot of work to do at home . . . . excuses excuses excuses . . . who knows maybe one day I'll be an exercise boff but it won't be anytime soon.

so it's 7lb down ~ 37lb more to go! Better get drinking that water . . . .

Day Five

Day five is over and done with, successfully! I'm still incredibly tired, my mouth still feels furry, I'm paranoid about bad breath and I'm chuffin' freezin'. Other than that I'm doing great.

Went to an aerobics class tonight which was fun and far more enjoyable than a gym, think I may actually stick at it, making more of an effort to walk to work when I'm on early shifts and I walk the dogs seperately so I go out of the house at least three times a day. It's all going well and I know I'm not going to stick to it I am a naturally lazy person so if I have a day or two when I take the car or walk the dogs together I'm not going to make a big deal about but I'm going to make the effort to exercise each day even if it's just a mini "workout" in the house.

I went out to the pub tonight with the people from work, it is far more difficult for me to be around alcohol than it is food and I didn't touch a drop. Co-workers kept asking if I wanted to buy a bottle of water but there's no way I'm paying for water, especially not pub prices!!!! Such a skinflint.

Anyway weigh-in tomorrow!!

Day four II

I've messed up somewhere here, typically, I started on a Wednesday so it's my fourth day today, it's because I go to see my CDC on a Tuesday, nevermind.

Today has gone well, I'd really like a soup though, I've been thinking of going buying some of the bouillon but I want to try and do this without adding anything and as it's my first week I wanted to be really strict, it's only till Tuesday and then I can ask if I can swap the packs for soups.

I'm looking forward to my weigh-in probably a bit too excited to be honest lol. Just want to know if this week has been worth it . . .

Day Four

Well today has been successful in that I've had all my packs and water but I'm still tired I was sure last time I got an energy boost after the third day. I've been lightheaded and still struggling to concentrate. I'm hoping in will improve the more I get into the diet. I haven't really been thinking about food much just concentrating on glugging the water.

I was thinking about maybe setting some goals but I cannot think of any, I know I want to thin and loose the weight. I have three stone to lose to get to my target and I think that would take me to a size 12 or 10, I'm a 12 now, so maybe by the end of August I could achieve that but I was thinking more short term goals but I'm just drawing blanks.

I'm regretting not getting any soups now, I remember last time I did the diet all I had was chocolate tetras and bars but I seem to be wanting something savoury in the evening. I see my CDC on Tuesday and it'll also be my first weigh-in which I'm both nervous and excited about. When I did LL I lost 9lb in the first week but I was about two stone heavier than what I am now so maybe I shouldn't be expecting such a big loss, maybe around 6lb.

Well so far so good, just got to stay on track.

Day Three

Today has been ok, not particulary felt very well and it's been my day off so it was odd not making lunch and anything nor have I drank larger or numourous cups of tea! I lost track of how much water I've drank, I've got a headache so maybe I haven't drank enough. I don't lke the shakes at all, I like the tetras but the shakes are just revolting.

I've spent the day catching up on some art commissions so I've been occupied and lost in thought and haven't even thought about food but my mouth feels hairy, it's rather unplesant actually and distracting. Tomorrow should be an easy day too as I have another 10 hour shift and will no doubt be tired when I come home so will head straight to bed. I just hope I manage to squeeze in my 4 ltrs.

Day Two

Day 2 is over, well almost, it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating, I recall last time feeling bloody awful but I cut down on the carbs a great deal before the re-start so maybe that has helped, will see how I feel tomorrow. I do feel incredibly tired, more so than I usually do and I haven't experienced any headaches this time.

I was tempted by food today and was so very proud of myself for walking away, if I can keep that resolve up for the next 12 weeks I'll be at my goal weight before I know it. I have 44lb to lose, I'm already excited and looking forward to my weigh in and I'm all signed up for an aerobics class on Monday evening.

I think I've managed to drink all my water today but I think I'll take some up to bed with me just to be certain and hopefully tomorrow I'll start to feel a bit more human and not so tired.

Restart

I did the Cambridge Diet last year with some success but alas I went and put half of it back on. I'm restarting again today and this time I will get to my target, I have three stone to lose, easy peasy right?

Last time I was in an unhappy relationship and generally in a bad place in my life and was constantly being pulled in a million different directions by people who all wanted something from me. Now I'm single and on my own, my family have moved so it's just me. There's no food in the house and even better is there is no money to even buy food so this time the Cambridge Diet should be a breeze.

I'm focused and I know for certain that I'm doing this for me and me only, I can be selfish and indulge in myself and this is what I want, I want to be 10 stone and put my weight problems behind me. I'm investing in me and my future, I have a lot of damage to repair both mentally and phsyically and this is the start.

I started the CD yesterday and it was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. I drank 5 litres and had my three packs I wasn't hungry and I was tempted. I imagine today will be harder, but I'm working a 10 hour shift at work, which I never usually eat while I'm working as it upsets my tum and I usually just come home and crash as I'm knackered, just have to concentrate on drinking the water and making sure I get it all in me today.